Living in North America for almost ten years now, I have come across countless experiences where people don't miss an opportunity to be rude/hostile/impolite or display a sense of authoritarianism.
After experiencing it for almost a decade now, I've come to the conclusion it's the freedoms and protections that first world societies offer, allowing people to safely be rude or arrogant.
As an example I was at a party which also was a sort of political gathering. I thought the political discussion would make an interesting video. And so I decided to film them. Nobody seemed to mind anyway. But all of a sudden an Iranian national asked "Why are you filming!?! Did you ask these people!?!"
We got into a small argument but he arrogantly said "this is Canada sorry you can't do this here, it's against the law."
I agreed to delete the footage, but I pleaded to let me keep the footage of people raising their wine glasses in toast to freedom and justice.
He objected despite my pleas and asked "How old are you?" 20 was my reply. "Do you go to school?" Collage was my answer "Ask your teachers- it's immoral" was his reply.
He was getting into the boundaries of personal attack.
He also had this strange urge to keep mentioning his son and comparing him to me. Started to tell me that his son also has a hobby of posting videos on the internet. I curiously asked what was his user name.
He gave a strong reply "I would never tell you that."
This is a strange reply especially after he asked me my age and asked if I attend school. His rudeness reappeared when I tried to convince him it was just personal curiosity.
Now imagine if he had done this in Iran, used personal attacks or similar taunts that he used on me. The chance of him getting hurt or facing physical retaliation would have little consequence. Knowing that he was fully protected by the law, he had a sense of freedom to speak the way he did.
A similar story was heard at a restaurant I frequently eat at. It was owned by an Indian and his Ukrainian wife. Their Bangladeshi chef was giving them a hard time and kept repeating "this is Canada, you cannot do anything to me here. This is not India or Ukraine."
This sounds much of an echo I had with the Iranian national and his sense of arrogance. This arrogance I have met in North America on a regular basis weather a rude bus driver or shopkeeper or regular people.
At first I felt as if I was the only one seeing this. However, after hearing several mentions of rude TTC operators at school and reading about TTC rows, I've come to realize it's the legal protection that first world countries are able to provide to citizens.
Imagine if such people tried their rude and aggressive behavior in their home countries? I cannot imagine in Pakistan anyone being able to act rudely without getting beaten up. The law does not intervene in minor cases of assault except if the injuries become too serious.
One of the worst instances happened in 2009 at another restaurant, when I got up to request a hot chocolate from the waitress who was far behind the second counter, I was greeted with an angry scold. "You're NOT allowed here!" she scowled as if I had just committed a crime.
Instead of simply saying sorry this is a restricted area or sorry employees only. I replied "...well sorry but I just came to ask for the hot chocolate. I couldn't find you anywhere and I was waiting quite a while."
"Okay, you're NOT allowed here!" was her sharp reply followed by a harsh look and a red face with red eyes. I went back to my table feeling guilty at first thinking I had done something wrong. The waitress came soon and dumped the hot chocolate on my table.
But after wondering what I had done wrong to trigger such a harsh and rude reaction; I realized I had nothing to be blamed for. The waitress seemed to have no sense on how to address a customer who happened to be at the wrong place.
Later when I ordered the bill, it too was brought without any tray and just dumped on the table. Now I was getting the sense that she's deliberately giving me the "cold shoulder" and that the incident behind the counter was also a part of all this.
I decided I would leave without paying any tips. So I waited for my bill and payment to be collected. But this did not happen. The clock was ticking. Twenty five minutes went by and my bill and payment weren't collected. Now I was the only person left in the restaurant.
By this time I was starting to get annoyed. First a rude "you're not allowed here" with a scowling red face & eyes. Then my hot chocolate and bill get dumped on my table. Now a 25 minutes wait.
After recalling all the instances where I have experienced rudeness in Canadian society weather a rude bus driver or TTC authority or regular people on the street who think the law is there to protect them (which I shall further discuss below), I decided I wasn't going to put up with it. Not this time. I had just about enough of sitting like a weak puppy and taking all the rudeness.
I took my payment to the counter and gave the amount and got back my change with the waitress wondering why I haven't left anything. I asked how long it takes to collect one bill. Her face just shoots up with an angry glare "AM I YOU'RE SLAVE?!?" "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU NEEDED CHANGE?" "AM I SUPPOSED TO READ YOUR MIND?"
My temper further heated at such a rude reaction and so we got into an argument. All of a sudden she screamed the chef's name as if I was going to stab her with a knife. She screamed for him loudly. She ran down to the basement for him. Chef came with her and tried to calm her down and gave the expression like it's happened before.
It went on for a few minutes. I try several times for a compromise, but she had completely lost it. She continued "I am you're slave- that's what you think of women!" Her true arrogant and authoritarian colors showed when she screamed "you know what I don't like you just go JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!!"
As if she owns the restaurant! Her tactic of acting as if I physically hurt her was also interesting.
It was rather bizarre since I'm a regular customer and always pay my tips and say please and thank you when placing orders. I even have frequent chats with the chef and sometimes the waitress. Heck I even once got a free hot chocolate since I was a regular customer.
However it still did not seem to justify the rudeness and arrogance of the waitress. That night I did not recognize her, nor did she act as if she recognized me.
I informed the manager of the incident and he explained that she's a very sensitive person. He apologized and promised to speak to her claiming she'll understand him when he talks to her.
A sensitive person? Working in a public service sector? The waitress was Philippino. Imagine if she displayed such behavior in a restaurant in the Philippines. I doubt she would last very long. Philippines is a country which has thousands perhaps millions of people looking for jobs.
If she was fired, there would be hundreds waiting to take her place. To avoid poor customer relations, the restaurant owners would have sacked her at first hand had this happened in the Philippines.
Canada on the other hand with a population of just between thirty three to thirty four million, offers no such option of firing a badly behaved employee when skilled people are difficult to find.
Other instances of rudeness I've experienced in the past nine years of being in North America are rude bus drivers. I did not know I required an ID to go with an adult monthly pass. The bus driver would arrogantly tell me "I can just take away that pass from you if you don't carry ID."
The worst was when I visited Canada the second time before living there. Me and a couple of friends were waiting for a bus and accidentally happened to be stepping on a bit of grass in front of somebody's house.
All of a sudden a guy with long blond hair screams "EXCUSE ME GET OFF THAT GRASS RIGHT NOW IT'S NOT YOUR PROPERTY IT'S MY FRIEND'S he doesn't like it."
Back in 2004, I was at the cinema with a friend and the movie hadn't started with all the the commercials coming. My friend was having a chat on his cellphone when an angry individual in front with his girlfriend complained that he couldn't hear the commercials and told my friend to turn off the phone.
My friend told him he'll just be a minute. The angry guy got up and showed his tattooed muscles and screamed "I'LL PICK YOU UP AND THROW YOU OFF THE F***ING THEATER."
Though my friend should not have had his phone on in the first place, such an aggressive response was unjustified. He could have simply warned my friend that he'll call security. Imagine if he had tried that in Pakistan. His muscles would have been punctured straight out, with the authorities not the least bit concerned.
Ever since these kind of incidents, I have changed and always put up a fight when it comes to arrogant people- including recent immigrants who think they've gained the freedom to behave rudely under the protection of the law in a first world society.
Those who have had similar experiences should never hesitate to stand up to these people. There are reasons:
-Once you stand up a few times such as I did, you'll never hesitate again after gaining the confidence that I did.
-These arrogant people will give up their pride and feel discouraged once they realise their behavior won't be put up with.
-Their tactics of playing the victim like the waitress did will give you experience on how to deal with them and also show them they cannot scare people into backing down.
The whole time I had the impression there was something wrong with people in public service, but now after hearing and reading of countless incidents, it proves it's not me, but something really wrong with North American society.
Below are famous videos. One of a TTC fare collector taking a nap on the job and the other taking a long coffee break in the middle of a bus ride.
Even after the incident with the waitress, I did some searching on the net to learn it's a common problem with rude & arrogant people in customer service and daily life who feel too confident behind the safety of protective laws in first world countries.
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